Mr. Erotic Pea
By Corinna Amendola
he Italian Serie A soccer season is in full swing. That means it's time to reveal the true identities of some lesser-known players. Top-tier Italian teams are chock with celebrity figures — if only Serie A didn't refer to them in... Italian.
Get real. English is the language of choice. Does FIFA write its press releases in Italian? No. Does Manchester United refer to Robin Van Persie as "Robbie Il Persiano"? No.
Take away the clunky and useless Italian and you get an idea who these players really are. That's a good thing not just for the league but also assorted reality show scouts. Not to mention Interpol and the FBI.
Since Italy uses the surname-name format, here's a team-by-team list of 2014-15 HCP (hidden celebrity players) in the obsolete Italian, followed by their correct English names, the ones they answer to in discos and when dating supermodels.
Sportiello, Marco (Mark Cashier)
Cherubin, Nicolo (Nick Babyface)
Cigarini, Luca (Luke Cigarillo)
Stendardo, Gugliemo (Buddy Flatout)
Barella, Nicolo (Nikki Stretcher)
Cazzola, Riccardo (Rick Cock)
Saporetti, Lorenzo (Larry Tasties)
Volta, Massimo (Max Onetime)
Sardo, Gennaro (January Sard)
Maccarone, Massimo (Max Maccaroni)
Aquilani, Alberto (Albie Hawkish)
Greco, Leandro (Leander Greeks)
Panico, Giuseppe (Joe Panic)
Cappelluzzo, Pierluigi (Peter-Louie Consonants)
Christodoulopoulos, Lazaros (Lazarus Loudvowel)
Ranocchia, Andrea (Andy Toadish)
Volpe, Giacomo (Jacob Wolfman)
Pazzini, Gianpaolo (John-Paul Crazies)
Prezioso, Mario (Mario Precious)
Mangiapia, Gianluigi (Joe-Louis Eatery)
Pisano, Eros (Erotic Pea)
Coda, Massimo (Max Tail)
Gobbi, Massimo (Max Hunchback)
Destro, Mattia (Matt Rightie)
Capradossi, Elio (Eliot Backrabbit)
Ferri, Jacopo (Jake Scalpel)
Somma, Michele (Mike Equals)
Gabbiadini, Manolo (Manny Jailbird)
Fedato, Francesco (Frankie Faithful)
Sansone, Gianluca (John-Luke Samsonite)
Floro Flores, Antonio (Tony Everfloss)
Peluso, Federico (Freddy Hairless)
Consigli, Andre (Andy Advice)
Polito, Ciro (Cyrus Thumb)
Acerbi, Franseco (Frankie Acids)
Quagliarella, Francesco (Francis Quailing)
Nocerino, Antonio (Tony Nut)
Bovo, Cesare (Cesar Cow)
Pinzi, Giampiero (John-Paul Pincer)
Pasquale, Giovanni (Joey Easter)
Faraoni, Marco Davide (Marc-David Pyramids)
Scuffet, Simone (Simon Shoehorn).
AT LARGE & SPORTS
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